Is Your Child on Social Media? Here are 6 Tips from Youth Mental Health Experts to Create Healthy Boundaries and Safe User Habits

If you are a parent, you have likely felt some level of concern regarding your children’s social media usage. With organizations like the American Psychological Association issuing mental health warnings concerning adolescents and their time online, it is understandable that many caregivers are struggling to find the best ways to keep kids safe on these platforms.

It is important to recognize that the impact of social media varies significantly based on how and how much a person engages with it. For instance, it can provide benefits for isolated youth by offering a sense of community and a way to connect with friends, notes Dr. Warren Ng, a psychiatrist at NewYork-Presbyterian and Columbia, and community health director at the Center for Youth Mental Health at NewYork-Presbyterian. However, hours of scrolling can displace essential activities like sleep and schoolwork while exposing children to extreme or provocative content that may trigger anxiety or diminished self-esteem.

The question then becomes: How can children and adults alike develop healthy social media habits? The solution is rooted in transparent communication. “Having a shared language and frequent, open conversations when talking about social media with your kids can be helpful for parents,” says clinical psychologist Shannon Bennett, associate director of The Center for Youth Mental Health at NewYork-Presbyterian and assistant professor in Clinical Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medicine. It is also vital for everyone to examine how their digital habits affect their emotional well-being, particularly their self-perception, says Dr. Ng. Here, Dr. Bennett and Dr. Ng share six tips to help families establish boundaries around social media that work for everyone.

Use a metaphor when talking about social media.

If you are a parent, it is helpful to use a relatable analogy when discussing social media habits with your children. Dr. Ng uses the example of driving a car. Owning a vehicle is not inherently dangerous, just as owning a smartphone is not, he explains. However, before getting behind the wheel, one must understand safety, how the vehicle functions, and the rules of the road. Similarly, he says, you need to understand the social media landscape before participating in it.

Take the time to have deeper conversations with children about how they interact on these platforms and their purpose for using them. Just as there are safeguards for a car—such as seat belts, airbags, and speed limits—you can implement measures to make social media safer, suggests Dr. Ng. You might designate specific websites, utilize parental monitoring tools, or set time limits. Additionally, you can mark certain apps or sites as off-limits. “Having that framework and metaphor for discussion can really help think through your approach and come up with solutions that work,” says Dr. Ng.

Create a social media plan for the whole family.

It is easy to tell someone else to put their phone away, but it is much harder to follow that advice yourself. “Kids can get mixed signals related to social media and their devices,” Dr. Ng says. “Parents may be on their phones all the time, and yet they’re telling their kids not to use theirs.” To provide children with a consistent message, try developing a social media plan and schedule that the entire family can follow. For example, you might try keeping phones away during mealtimes and allotting a specific hour for social media use. In this way, rules regarding phone usage become a dialogue involving everyone. Encourage children to ask questions about what they see online, as some content may not be appropriate for them.

Understand the algorithms.

“Parents should remember that social media is a business, and that business wants to keep people on their phones as long as possible to sell adds,” Dr. Ng says. Furthermore, the longer you remain on these platforms and interact with their content, the more concentrated or extreme that material may become.

“It’s good to help children understand how certain algorithms work,” says Dr. Bennett. For example, if you are feeling sad and engage with content about depression, you might continue to be served more material on that topic, which can lead to content that becomes scary or inappropriate for youth, Dr. Bennett says.

“The question then becomes, are you playing social media, or is social media playing you?” says Dr. Ng. Understanding this can help you recognize the potential bias in the content and empower you to make different choices that are better for your well-being.

Talk to kids about their digital footprint.

It can be risky to assume you are anonymous online, Dr. Bennett says. “Believing you’re anonymous can change the way you act,” she says. “And pictures you post or send to people that you believe are private may not always be private.” Discussing the digital footprint that posts and comments leave behind is essential. A split-second decision to post something can be captured forever via a screenshot. “You want to always present yourself online in the same way you would in person, and teach children to assume anyone, child or adult, can see what you say, post or share” Dr. Bennett says.

Reflect on how social media makes you feel.

After you put your phone down, ask yourself how you are feeling, suggests Dr. Ng. Did your scrolling lead you down a path that left you feeling more anxious or negative? “Think about your phone like you would a friend,” he suggests. “Ask yourself, ‘Is this relationship making me feel better about myself, or worse?’” If it is the latter, you can consider redefining that relationship and approaching social media differently. You have the power to choose who or what is in your life. “The exercise can give you greater awareness. And having that power of agency and choice is empowering and affirming,” says Dr. Ng.